I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
