the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
