I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
