Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
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