Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
