Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
