I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
