The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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