I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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