Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
