just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
