i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
