My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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