I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
