i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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