I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
