My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
