Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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