a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My vagina just clenched in fear
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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