saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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