we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
