Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
