my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
