Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
