god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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