he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
