You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
No stitches, just platelets and will power
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
