ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
be right there i have to get my cape
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
