get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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