oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
