dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
