I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
