sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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