I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
