Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
