Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
