Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
