its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
