In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
