How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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