wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
