are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
