the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
