Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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