Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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