I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
