Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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