i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
