she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
