You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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