Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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