it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
