I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
