i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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