Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
