She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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