I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
