i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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