I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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